What I'd wish I'd known about fitness before motherhood

Over the past week my brother n law visited with his wife and son. Little Casan was born three days before Grayson and it has been awesome to walk through the past year with them.

One thing my pregnancy/mama twin and I spoke about was how much pressure was taken off our shoulders at the gym. We talked about how working out was finally fun, again.

I had to ask myself: Why?

When I was pregnant my focus was just on being healthy and with no specific gain (I was making gainz by growing a human).  I wanted to be fit but safety was paramount. I did not want to injure myself or my child. As a result I worked out with consistency but at a slow and steady pace and no competitive edge.

During my postpartum recovery period my focus has been regaining my strength so I can be an active, healthy mama. But, just like with pregnancy I do not push too hard. A hungry baby cares not about a pulled muscle. I also don't like to gas myself so I lack the energy to keep up with G-monstah the rest of the day.

I wish I had been like this all along. I wish I focused on how fitness can help me enjoy life and make me healthier as opposed to making fitness my life. I now workout so I can keep up with my family. I wish I had this same mentality before Little Man was here. I wish I had the same carefree attitude when trying for a one rep max or when competing in a competition a couple years ago. I would have been healthier and happier.

Crossfit is functional fitness. At its core it's to help you with life and not be your life. Unless you're making it to the games (which it then becomes your job) chill out, relax, and have fun. No one will remember your one rep max but they will remember how well you played ball with them or how you helped them move into their new house. Friends and family won't remember your Fran time but they will remember how fun it was to do the color run with you or how high you could thrown them when they were kids.

Oh, and if they do keep track of scores....they aren't true friends. Get rid of them. Challenge yourself because goals are healthy, but make it a challenge that has potential gains outside the box as well as in the mats.

When I was pregnant I thought by this point I would be an expert.....or at least proficient at motherhood. I'm not and I don't think any mom ever truly feels like a master at the art of mothering. What I have realized, however, is that every mama is different as is every child.

God gave me gifts that I was born with. These gifts were given for many reasons but one of them was to be a mama to Grayson. Which means that I do not need to change myself to be a good mom.

For the past few weeks I found myself unhappy with who I was and my life. It seems silly with all my blessings but I continuously felt as if I were doing it wrong. But, I think the root of my unhappiness as a mama was in that I allowed people to make me feel like the house has to be immaculate because that's my job now as a stay at home mom. That going and doing can only come after the house is perfect and you become a martyr for your child.

I needed to be okay with still not being a baby person even after having a baby. I have maternal instincts. I love my child. I would kill anyone who laid a finger of harm on him and when he hurts I feel like a part of me is being ripped in two. However, I still do not enjoy the baby stage of life. I enjoy my son's life and will reminisce on when he was a babe one day, but I will not wish to be in this stage again. I needed to be okay with still hating being stuck at home. I did not also birth a homebody nature or the urge to clean and organize. The independent, adventurer who hates to be at home is still in me.

And this is okay.

I was chosen as Grayson's mama because of who I am and not because of who I think I should be. What if my alert, active boy is an adventurer and needs to go and do? What if sitting at home drives him crazy, too? God gave me Grayson because of the strengths He had already put within me; not bc of new ones I needed to gain.

What if Grayson Wesley is wild at heart like his mama and daddy? Who better to raise and teach a wildman how to live in this world than two reformed rebels?

God makes no mistakes and when He honored me with the privilege of being Grayson's mother He knew who I was and who I wasn't. Grayson could not be placed with better parents.

And mama's if you are the opposite of me: THAT'S FINE. You are who you are for your children.

End.