At 5:55 am I get up of my own accord and walk out onto the balcony. The only child that wakes me is my little mermaid gently rolling and nudging as she attempts to get cozy in her ever-shrinking home.
I watch the clouds and sea, gray with morning slowly slip into soft pinks then brilliant reds. And, all of a sudden, big light breaks.
There is something cliched about watching a sunrise at the beach. And sad. I pray for health and wellness and healing over myself and loved ones. I pray for safety over my children as they sleep. Shouldn't I be just as awed and grateful when I see the sunrise come through the blinds at home? Shouldn't I rise with ease, sneak past my wonderfully breathing child and await this daily miracle at home? Is being allowed one more sunrise at my boring, old address any less of something to be rejoiced over? When granted those few extra minutes of sleep, shouldn't I give those back in prayer?
Don't get me wrong, the ocean commands a certain respect that my brick ranch fails to demand. And the sound of the waves and smell of the sea are seemingly far more peaceful than my gurgling coffee maker and creaky floors at 6 am. On the surface they are anyway.
The same peace and overwhelming sense of rest I get on my Carolina beaches are offered to me wherever I am. John 14:27 says "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." And then when He returned to the disciples after is resurrection He says in John 20:26 "Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Of all the things He could have said for the first words to His entire group of disciples He says "Peace be with you."
He gave peace.
He GIVES us peace. The same amount of peace caused by ocean waves is offered to us in our messy chaos. In toddler cries and foot-Lego injuries is the same peace offered in early morning gull cries and beach walks. Deadlines, life-stresses, bills, mortgages, rent, and big decisions. His peace is just as much there as the deafening-thought-clearing-crash of the waves.
All my life the ocean has calmed my nerves and washed my worries, but eternal calm is offered to me daily. I just refuse to take it. I refuse to accept the peace because I assume it surely cannot be obtained in my clutter and crazy. But isn't that the peace that passes all understanding? The kind that comes in the storms and the tantrums and the fights and the heartache and the fears?
Isaiah 26:3-4 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.
He keeps us in perfect peace. He keeps us.
We are kept and wrapped in peace.
Snuggle into our peace, my loves. In the middle of your normal, non-vacation feeling life...settle into your Savior's arms of peace.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Friday, April 21, 2017
Little brown church in the vale....
As you all know my son has a new obsession with Andy Griffith. Of course I grew up watching it...who didn't?!
Well in an episode they sing "Church in the Wildwood". I grew up in a small, country church and this hymn, amongst many others, was what I thought worship was until I reached middle and high school. I didn't even realize how I know them by heart but as soon as it came on al the warm memories came flooding back.
It also reminded me of something my Granny said. She doesn't enjoy modern, contemporary music. She has nothing against it. It's not some belief that it's of the Devil. She simply says that's not how she worships. She's able to have the Holy Spirit speak to her more through old hymns.
Isn't that all worship is supposed to be? Another tool God gave us to hear the Him? I think sometimes (especially us younger crowd) think bigger, newer, louder is the best form of worship. But worship is simply opening our hearts to praise God and silencing our own hearts and minds to hear what the God of Angel armies has to say. That's it. I believe some in my generation are missing out on a huge group of Christ's children, our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, that don't worship that way. Bigger, newer and louder does not mean better.
No form of worship that is in line with God's will is any better or worse than another. I think it's important to look at whom you're serving at your church. And while I believe some are so steeped in tradition they wouldn't know if the spirit fell on them if He sent a text telling them He was coming, I also think that some "old-fashioned" ways are ways that many are able to feel the presence of God.
We are not a church divided by lines of age but we all are members of a family. There's much to learn from those that have been around the block a few times. Believe it or not college teaches us about .001% of what we need to know in life. And, we can learn a lot from those old hymns with their words dripping in soul and feeling.
Of course I chose my girl, Dolly's version of the song.....
Well in an episode they sing "Church in the Wildwood". I grew up in a small, country church and this hymn, amongst many others, was what I thought worship was until I reached middle and high school. I didn't even realize how I know them by heart but as soon as it came on al the warm memories came flooding back.
It also reminded me of something my Granny said. She doesn't enjoy modern, contemporary music. She has nothing against it. It's not some belief that it's of the Devil. She simply says that's not how she worships. She's able to have the Holy Spirit speak to her more through old hymns.
Isn't that all worship is supposed to be? Another tool God gave us to hear the Him? I think sometimes (especially us younger crowd) think bigger, newer, louder is the best form of worship. But worship is simply opening our hearts to praise God and silencing our own hearts and minds to hear what the God of Angel armies has to say. That's it. I believe some in my generation are missing out on a huge group of Christ's children, our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, that don't worship that way. Bigger, newer and louder does not mean better.
No form of worship that is in line with God's will is any better or worse than another. I think it's important to look at whom you're serving at your church. And while I believe some are so steeped in tradition they wouldn't know if the spirit fell on them if He sent a text telling them He was coming, I also think that some "old-fashioned" ways are ways that many are able to feel the presence of God.
We are not a church divided by lines of age but we all are members of a family. There's much to learn from those that have been around the block a few times. Believe it or not college teaches us about .001% of what we need to know in life. And, we can learn a lot from those old hymns with their words dripping in soul and feeling.
Of course I chose my girl, Dolly's version of the song.....
Friday, March 10, 2017
A road to Damascus
The Apostle Paul. A terrorist. A murderer. A man who spewed hate from his mouth and dealt it out accordingly with his hands.
Christ chose him.
Christ chose him and forgave him.
Christ chose him, forgave him and used him.
Who do I discredit because of their past or present? How dare I do so when my own past is less than pleasant?
I am seeing that even in my smallest moments of second-lasting pride when I say: "I would do it differently," or in my biggest, prideful disobedience of "I'll NEVER forgive or stop hating her," I am saying the same thing: "God will never love you as much as me. His grace doesn't extend to you as much as it does to me."
I am playing judge and I am in the wrong.
Because Christ gives us all a Damascus road and meets us even when we are "still breathing threats and murder" (Acts 9:9). Not when we are better or more healed. Not when we are more accepted by others. Not when we are clean. Because none of us are clean.
But we all have a Savior who died to clean us.
ALL OF US.
All.
The ones we love and the ones that hurt us deeply. The ones we believe worthy and the ones we snarl at the thought of. Christ died for all of them.
And thank goodness. Because we haven't always been the ones that people love and we have never been worthy. We have all been looked at with a snarled and believed unworthy by some. If judged by others opinions we would all be on a fiery journey to Hell.
Thank goodness He chooses us all.
Thank goodness He chooses us and forgives us all.
And thank goodness, if we allow it, He chooses us, forgives us, and uses us all.
Christ chose him.
Christ chose him and forgave him.
Christ chose him, forgave him and used him.
Who do I discredit because of their past or present? How dare I do so when my own past is less than pleasant?
I am seeing that even in my smallest moments of second-lasting pride when I say: "I would do it differently," or in my biggest, prideful disobedience of "I'll NEVER forgive or stop hating her," I am saying the same thing: "God will never love you as much as me. His grace doesn't extend to you as much as it does to me."
I am playing judge and I am in the wrong.
Because Christ gives us all a Damascus road and meets us even when we are "still breathing threats and murder" (Acts 9:9). Not when we are better or more healed. Not when we are more accepted by others. Not when we are clean. Because none of us are clean.
But we all have a Savior who died to clean us.
ALL OF US.
All.
The ones we love and the ones that hurt us deeply. The ones we believe worthy and the ones we snarl at the thought of. Christ died for all of them.
And thank goodness. Because we haven't always been the ones that people love and we have never been worthy. We have all been looked at with a snarled and believed unworthy by some. If judged by others opinions we would all be on a fiery journey to Hell.
Thank goodness He chooses us all.
Thank goodness He chooses us and forgives us all.
And thank goodness, if we allow it, He chooses us, forgives us, and uses us all.
Friday, February 17, 2017
On the edge of 30....
29 is a funny age. 30 will be on me in the next month or so. There's a certain limbo between being "young and free" and "settled". You're still young but old enough to know better. You see the responsibilities and the beauty of life ahead of you but feel nostalgic for the top-down, sun-on-your-skin freedom of young adulthood. You don't want to give up the blessings and joys that are toys and sippy cups and jobs and houses, but the memory without them are fresh and cause you to pause. You're one foot in and one foot out of two phases of life.
But does moving into a new period of life mean giving up adventure and spontaneity and who you are? I think some part of society will have you think that. I think some allow the fire to slowly burn out as they settle into life. I know for the past two years I've allowed many things to slowly snuff out my flame that used to burn bright on wild, summer nights. But luckily I have friends and family who have protected my embers and kept them alive. They've slowly whispered life back into the fire behind my eyes.
I want my children to see the same wild, zest for life I had at 25 tempered by wisdom and responsibilities at 30. I want them to watch and learn how to live this life with every ounce of fervor a teenager has for their whole lives. But I want them to do it wisely. There's no need to leave that wild behind, but sometimes we must give up vices and soften the edges a bit.
No, I am not just a thirty year old stay at home mom. I am a tour guide to life for my children. I still look at the world with opportunity, but can lead them with wisdom that adulthood brings. And, yes, there will be plenty more tattoos, but there will be many more conversations about Jesus and how He leads us. This mama may have one or two margaritas before all is said and done but she will have many more prayers and laughs and runs on the beach with her kiddos.
Looking forward to 30 and beyond. The anticipation is the same as 18. I have a whole life of motherhood ahead of me. A new, exciting territory. And if God will bless me, a lot of new experiences and years to celebrate.
But does moving into a new period of life mean giving up adventure and spontaneity and who you are? I think some part of society will have you think that. I think some allow the fire to slowly burn out as they settle into life. I know for the past two years I've allowed many things to slowly snuff out my flame that used to burn bright on wild, summer nights. But luckily I have friends and family who have protected my embers and kept them alive. They've slowly whispered life back into the fire behind my eyes.
I want my children to see the same wild, zest for life I had at 25 tempered by wisdom and responsibilities at 30. I want them to watch and learn how to live this life with every ounce of fervor a teenager has for their whole lives. But I want them to do it wisely. There's no need to leave that wild behind, but sometimes we must give up vices and soften the edges a bit.
No, I am not just a thirty year old stay at home mom. I am a tour guide to life for my children. I still look at the world with opportunity, but can lead them with wisdom that adulthood brings. And, yes, there will be plenty more tattoos, but there will be many more conversations about Jesus and how He leads us. This mama may have one or two margaritas before all is said and done but she will have many more prayers and laughs and runs on the beach with her kiddos.
Looking forward to 30 and beyond. The anticipation is the same as 18. I have a whole life of motherhood ahead of me. A new, exciting territory. And if God will bless me, a lot of new experiences and years to celebrate.
Friday, January 20, 2017
A Leap
In my journey of listening to different sermons I have been enjoying a series from Blue Ridge Community Church. I am finding that I don't enjoy topical bible teaching as much as book studies, but I do enjoy this series and it speaks to my heart (I do not believe there's anything wrong with this style of teaching. It is a personal preference and nothing more). It just goes to show that we cannot always do what we are comfortable with even when it comes to our bible study styles!
What I enjoyed from this sermon were these two points:
"Did Peter really fail?
He took more steps on water than we ever will and than any of the disciples. "
And,
"What's your boat?"
My Boat:
Reputation. I don't want to lose my edge. My reputation of being strong and independent and having a talent at my career. I don't want to the stereotype of being known as the stay at home mom.
But that's where I'm called. It's not everyone's calling. And I don't say that to say every mom should be at home. Because I don't believe that.
God calls us to our true selves. And if I were honest the rebellious times were not fully who I was. We are not meant to be rebellious. God does not want this for us. It should no longer shock me God uses many different avenues to teach us the same lesson. But, even so, I was surprised to find in another study I am doing written by Liz Curtis Higgs, it discusses how rebelliousness to God and what He calls us to or His laws is never okay. And, as Christians, a part of our nature we should fight. I am learning that just because I've "cleaned up my act" rebellion is more than outward actions. It's deep within the heart. It's in any sin we flat out refuse to get rid of. That can be refusing to give up worry, to refusing to give up the sin of comparison (which in reality is a form of jealousy and discontent).
So, to long to not leave the boat I think is safe is to actually be in rebellion.
What it will mean to jump out: It will mean I jump head-first into mothering and into being a homemaker, though it's scary and new and something I never saw myself being. It means letting go of what some may think of me. Some that I'd rather still view me as edgy. However, It does not mean letting go of some of the things I enjoyed about my wild side. My adventures and spontaneity are just different but still there. I will still be who God made me. I found myself trying to be what I thought a stay at home mom should look like and have wound up miserable. But, I can be completely me and completely in this new line of work. This is my calling and has been in God's plan for my life since I was in my own mother's womb. It's something he has equipped me for and my past does not hinder me from being a great wife and mother, but can help me minister, teach and raise my children in different and sometimes better ways than if I had never experienced some of the things I experienced. In Deuteronomy God tells the Israelites to never forget what God has done: blessings and punishments. And, He instructs them to teach their children with these experiences.
I am missing out on the fulness of life and what this life could be by having one leg in and one leg out of where God wants me. Even if this is never where I thought I would be, I know it's exactly where I should be.
What's your boat and what are you missing out of because you won't jump out and walk towards Jesus?
Credits:
Blue Ridge Community Church: Jeremy Wilkinson- "Fear"
Liz Curtis Higgs Really Bad Girls of the Bible
What I enjoyed from this sermon were these two points:
"Did Peter really fail?
He took more steps on water than we ever will and than any of the disciples. "
And,
"What's your boat?"
My Boat:
Reputation. I don't want to lose my edge. My reputation of being strong and independent and having a talent at my career. I don't want to the stereotype of being known as the stay at home mom.
But that's where I'm called. It's not everyone's calling. And I don't say that to say every mom should be at home. Because I don't believe that.
God calls us to our true selves. And if I were honest the rebellious times were not fully who I was. We are not meant to be rebellious. God does not want this for us. It should no longer shock me God uses many different avenues to teach us the same lesson. But, even so, I was surprised to find in another study I am doing written by Liz Curtis Higgs, it discusses how rebelliousness to God and what He calls us to or His laws is never okay. And, as Christians, a part of our nature we should fight. I am learning that just because I've "cleaned up my act" rebellion is more than outward actions. It's deep within the heart. It's in any sin we flat out refuse to get rid of. That can be refusing to give up worry, to refusing to give up the sin of comparison (which in reality is a form of jealousy and discontent).
So, to long to not leave the boat I think is safe is to actually be in rebellion.
What it will mean to jump out: It will mean I jump head-first into mothering and into being a homemaker, though it's scary and new and something I never saw myself being. It means letting go of what some may think of me. Some that I'd rather still view me as edgy. However, It does not mean letting go of some of the things I enjoyed about my wild side. My adventures and spontaneity are just different but still there. I will still be who God made me. I found myself trying to be what I thought a stay at home mom should look like and have wound up miserable. But, I can be completely me and completely in this new line of work. This is my calling and has been in God's plan for my life since I was in my own mother's womb. It's something he has equipped me for and my past does not hinder me from being a great wife and mother, but can help me minister, teach and raise my children in different and sometimes better ways than if I had never experienced some of the things I experienced. In Deuteronomy God tells the Israelites to never forget what God has done: blessings and punishments. And, He instructs them to teach their children with these experiences.
I am missing out on the fulness of life and what this life could be by having one leg in and one leg out of where God wants me. Even if this is never where I thought I would be, I know it's exactly where I should be.
What's your boat and what are you missing out of because you won't jump out and walk towards Jesus?
Credits:
Blue Ridge Community Church: Jeremy Wilkinson- "Fear"
Liz Curtis Higgs Really Bad Girls of the Bible
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Seeking the Great I Am and not me
The past few days/week, I have been listening to sermons instead of wasting time on Facebook or having the tv on. It was one of my kinda new year's resolution. I needed to find a way to open myself up to God more throughout the day. With a toddler, a part time job and life my hour long devotionals in the early morning hours are no longer a feasible option for me.
I have been searching and seeking answers to problems in what I thought was the right way. I brought my concerns to the Lord's feet and asked for wisdom in all of these things. However, through a series of sermons from different pastors from different churches, I have found the answer.
He needs to be my focus.
Of course we all say this. We say it all the time. But, is He really my focus when I'm asking for help here or there or with this person or this situation? No, my focus is on the problem. This is what I tend to do and didn't even realize I was doing it.
"God, give me peace about blank."
"God, give me wisdom of how to deal with blank."
"God, heal my heart about blank."
"God, help me to be a better blank."
None of these prayers are wrong, but God got a hold of my heart and said: "Be quiet. You need to seek me."
You see I was becoming increasingly frustrated that, in spite of my seeking God for answers to my problems, I was met with more turmoil. I was not seeking God. I was just simply seeking a solution to my problems. Most of my requests were based in my own fears as opposed to a true want for holiness in me or in a situation.
BUT, we serve a gracious God who lovingly corrects us even when we think we are "being holy".
And, I am seeing how God is blessing me in being obedient to substitute a message for a Facebook scroll or an episode of Gilmore girls during nap time/laundry time. It's not how I thought. We don't think of correction as blessings, but they are. Just having some hope as to why my peace is gone and how to fix it is an enormous blessing.
I have been searching and seeking answers to problems in what I thought was the right way. I brought my concerns to the Lord's feet and asked for wisdom in all of these things. However, through a series of sermons from different pastors from different churches, I have found the answer.
He needs to be my focus.
Of course we all say this. We say it all the time. But, is He really my focus when I'm asking for help here or there or with this person or this situation? No, my focus is on the problem. This is what I tend to do and didn't even realize I was doing it.
"God, give me peace about blank."
"God, give me wisdom of how to deal with blank."
"God, heal my heart about blank."
"God, help me to be a better blank."
None of these prayers are wrong, but God got a hold of my heart and said: "Be quiet. You need to seek me."
You see I was becoming increasingly frustrated that, in spite of my seeking God for answers to my problems, I was met with more turmoil. I was not seeking God. I was just simply seeking a solution to my problems. Most of my requests were based in my own fears as opposed to a true want for holiness in me or in a situation.
BUT, we serve a gracious God who lovingly corrects us even when we think we are "being holy".
And, I am seeing how God is blessing me in being obedient to substitute a message for a Facebook scroll or an episode of Gilmore girls during nap time/laundry time. It's not how I thought. We don't think of correction as blessings, but they are. Just having some hope as to why my peace is gone and how to fix it is an enormous blessing.
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