A slow revival has been happening in my soul for the past few years. When I was younger I always thought I would travel the world, have an exciting job, and lead a life of freedom and adventure. I would have thought I would have been free of tethers and responsibilities beyond what country to visit next. Yet, here I am a stay at home mom, within 30 miles from where I was born, contemplating and praying for child number two.

Oddly, being a mother has been more of an adventure to me than traveling the world. It is something I never thought I truly wanted or would ever have. A family, little people with my genes, these were things I thought unobtainable for me growing up. So the reality of this life in my lap is more astounding than hiking the Swiss alps or walking the busy streets of Hong Kong.

My heart sometimes pangs for the life of freedom and occasionally I wonder what life outside of marriage and motherhood would have looked like for me. But, mostly I'm in awe of the face that looks back at mine when I go into the nursery to pick up my son from his crib. I see beautiful, almond-shaped eyes looking deep into mine. I am in awe that I created those eyes within my body and they hold pieces of me speckled in the deep blue. Adventure is seen within the way he bravely tackles all of life. He has such an intense sense of curiosity and exploration that I wonder if all of my wanderlust was transferred into his tiny frame as he was knit in my womb.

Needing to see and do the next, exciting thing has been replaced with the need to create more life for my family. What will his sibling be like? Will he or she have the same intensity or will they be a calm, cool water next to my little storm? Is it possible that I would be allowed to have more than one miracle that is a child?

God hasn't changed my adventurer's heart. He has merely changed its course and focus. He has created me to be a nurturer to an adventurer and what better person to do so than someone who knows and understands the pull and tug that will dictate my son's steps? What better heart to guide Grayson's wild spirit than one with an equally unrestrained nature? Who better to know how to be the calm to his chaos than someone who navigates her own turbulent seas?

I have, at times, felt "less than" compared to the cookie cutter women who've always wanted to be mothers and stay at home moms. I have been told "You have my dream life," as if this life I've fallen into couldn't be something my heart could also desire. As if they will be better mothers because their hearts have always wanted it. I am working on letting these people go. I'm learning to not let it bother me the knowing they think they will do it better and different because of who they are and who they think I am not.

They are right in some ways: I don't deserve this life. But, neither do they. You see the life we are given is a gift from God. And it is not for anyone to say "I deserve this or that." That type of self-righteousness will land you in a pile of bitterness and lose you many friends.

So, this tattooed, reformed rebel doesn't deserve the stay at home mom life. But neither does the crafty, Susie homemaker. And I am, for the first time, stepping fully into the role of mom and not being hindered by who I thought I would be or who others think I am not.

There's a new life of adventure ahead of me and I am neither tethered or held down by my family. No, for the first time I am free.

I am free because of them.