One-upper

One-uppers.

Some of us are them. Some of us know them. We have all done it at least once in our lives. I've been asking God to help me sort out things about myself that are not conducive to having people enjoy being around you. This popped up as I was having a conversation. I thought to myself: "NO! I'm a one upper!!!!" You see, no one wants to be a one-upper. We love to call them out and expose them for  what they are.....but we never want to be one.

Needless to say I was wrought with confusion of how I could have allowed this to happen. Immediately self-conscious in every conversation I had, I decided to pick apart the anatomy of a one-upper. Why I one-up comes down to two reasons: I think you're a know-it-all and so I must show you that you don't....in turn becoming a know-it-all (generally this is a trait that comes hand in hand with a one-upper OR I am genuinely trying to make conversation and not trying to one-up at all only trying to find common ground "oh you kayak? I kayak!" but because of my one-upping tendencies it comes across as, you-guessed it, one upping.

There's also a third reason that most one-uppers share. We all want to be accepted and liked. Sometimes it's just a plain old, schoolyard, I-need-to-be-liked-let-me-share-my-story.

So, now that my "why" has been addressed, how do I fix it? How do I become a better version of myself? God gave me this for a reason.
1) Listen. A one-upper is generally thinking about what they can say next. We are guilty. I need to HEAR what the person is saying, truly digest it, and then reply. My response needs to be based off of what I hear them say and not what I want them to hear me say. Listening isn't about being heard or liked.
2) Be encouraging. If I know I one-up because I want to be liked, then instead of trying to put down a fellow one-upper by outdoing them, I should love on them and encourage them. It's what they need, because I know it's what I need.

Bottom-line: if you feel I'm one-upping, it's either because I truly want to have a conversation with you and like you OR maybe you're a one-upper yourself and you also need to do some soul-searching. Either way, let me know. I'm trying to work on this.

1130 pm, 2 am, 3 am, 330 am, 415 am.....every parent has a night where you look at your clocks and think "How are you not exhausted, kid?" You try nursing, rocking, walking, bottles, gas drops and nothing works. Whether it's mama or daddy, it matters not.

So, you wake up....or just get up starting out tired. You walk into the kitchen and bump the bouncer that your child doesn't tolerate anymore and grab the coffee pot. You pour out day old coffee on top of day old dirty dishes. You hear baby trying to escape the UFC level cage set up in the family room. You grab him and as you think it will be a nice, quiet snuggle-nurse session...you feel poop on your leg.

However, as you walk down the hallway trying not to get your child's stools anymore on you than they already are, you smile. You smile because you're not the person you were before they were here. Your shallow need for perfection, success, and popularity go out the window. There's a liberation from expectations the world gives. Because it doesn't matter what heels you might wear with your new dress if there's poop on your leg.

You corral your human puppy and meander back to the once wonderfully decorated front room. You place your coffee cup next to yesterday's coffee cup on the side table and soak in your insanity. You soak it in because it's the hardest thing you have ever done but also the most awesome. Tears form in your eyes as you look at your beautiful child full of life and of you.

You don't care what others might think if they looked into your messy floors and dirty dishes. You don't care what others might think of your unwaxed eyebrows and  unkept hair (hey, someone wanted this fine body at least once....I got a baby out the deal).

You don't care because the awesomeness of family is far bigger than petty cares.

Yup. And now there's spit up on your foot. So you have to stop writing and get to the mop because some of its on the floor, right next to some dried, old spit up from 3 am......

There is a time in every woman's life when she has had enough. When she is tired of people always taking and hurting. This moment is amplified when she is a mother. In the past 2 1/2 years more people have tried to sabotage my family than I ever thought possible.

Not anymore. Try it. Go ahead I dare you.