Meek vs. Weak vs. Power

meek

  adjective \ˈmēk\

: having or showing a quiet and gentle nature : not wanting to fight or argue with other people

 weak

adjective \ˈwēk\

: having little physical power or ability : not strong
: having little power or force

: likely to break or stop working properly : not able to handle weight, pressure, or strain

power

noun

:the strength or authority to act or to accomplish something

 

God uses all three of these words in the Bible.  Jesus told us that "Blessed are the meek..." (Matthew 5:5) and that in our weaknesses God's power is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). It all seems so confusing and not appealing. No one wants to be told that in order for God's power to work through us we must be weak or in order to be blessed we must be meek.

 

Let's look a little closer at each definition.

 

The definition of weakness describes us. Truly if you think about it as human beings we are likely to break or stop working properly. How many strong (in the physical sense) people die if a bullet goes through their head? Most. The human being is a fragile creature. Morally and spiritually we are even weaker than our physical states. We are weak in many ways. I don't want you to think, though, that you're not a beautiful creation. God does not create anything but goodness and beauty and He created you. However, He wants to continue to be the author which leads us to the next definition.

 

God says His power is made perfect in our weakness.

 

The definition of power describes something we would like to have.  We would all like to have the authority and/or strength to act or accomplish something. The thing is...we do. If Christ is in us and we in Him, then we have His power. Our weakness and limitations don't matter when He's at the reigns. Even physical ailments don't matter to Him. He controls all. If He controls all and He is in us, then truly what do we have to fear? Romans 8 says we are more than conquerors and have nothing to fear if God is for us....which He is.

 

Now, so we have this power....awesome. What about meekness?

 

God doesn't live in us to make us mini-gods running around. He knows us all too well to know that would be even more disastrous than we already are to ourselves. He remains in control and requires us to be meek. Meek is not weak. Meekness is CHOOSING to be humble and gentle. Jesus is described as being meek even though he was and is God. He could have killed every Pharisee, centurion, and mocker that spat at him on his way to Golgotha. But he CHOSE not to. It also doesn't say that we can't fight or argue with other people or that we are scared to do so...it says we don't WANT to. We have to allow God to give us a heart-change that makes us want to avoid any unnecessary confrontation.

 

In the past few months I have struggled with this concept. I know that many have looked at my life and would consider my inaction or actions as a weakness, but in reality they are a meekness and an obedience to Christ. Just because I don't doesn't mean I can't, but what I don't do isn't right. Make sense? My worldly side, however, HATES for others to think I am weak or a doormat. But that's just my flesh talking.

 

On the flip side God doesn't want us to float through life avoiding troubles and confrontation. Sometimes He requires us to stand up and be courageous. Sometimes He requires us to fight. There was an instance a few months ago when I had to have a hard conversation with someone and told them they were not welcome in my life or the lives of my family. When that conversation didn't work, other steps had to be taken for the safety and emotional health of my family. Never has this urge to protect been so strong as it has with Little Man growing inside of me. Don't mess with the Mama Bear who has a BIG GOD directing her steps.

 

God never requires us to invite danger and sin into our life. That's why we have His power in the first place. But this power must only be used if directed by Him. My meekness should never be confused as a fear of doing what's right. Its controlled strength. I liken it to doing negatives while lifting weights. One must count in seconds how long it takes them to push or lower the weights. It takes more strength to have this control than it does to simple do a quick movement.

 

Christ always requires a negative.

 

Choose meekness, my people. You have power, but its God's to wield and use.

 

 

 

http://www.motivatingquotes.com/strength.htm

http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Zondervan Life Application and Study Bible, New International Version. 1991 Tyndale House Publishers, INC.

 

The Long Journey Ahead

As the months turn into weeks until Little Man's entrance, I think of what childbirth truly is all about.

It's terrifying if you think about it too much.

It's awesome if you think about just enough.

It truly is a dangerous excursion for mother and baby. Modern medicine has made it safer as many women and babies who would have died 100 years ago now live (though some would argue its also taken away from some of the more beautiful qualities of childbirth....and the sense of power and control a woman can have over bringing life into this world). But, modern medicine can never take away the unpredictability of life. Modern medicine can never take away what God reserves solely for Himself: The giving and taking away of life.

As I ponder the adventure that awaits on that day that Little Man signals its time to go, I can't help but think God's way of making it easier that we have to suffer pain in childbirth is the fact that we get to share, intimately, the giving of life. Yes, others can watch, but we get to assist in the process of a human entering this world. We not only play a role, but we are an integral role.

I don't deserve that. I don't deserve to have a hand in a miracle. I don't even deserve to observe. But He gives me this chance anyway. He's given me 9 mos. of feeling this baby grow inside of me. Birth is only the culmination of many miracles. God has allowed me to be a part of 36 weeks of miracles.

The fact that Luke and I created a child together is a miracle in itself. Its no secret that we've had our struggles, troubles, and trials. Its no secret that we've both made mistakes and that there are people that look at our relationship and wonder how it could have survived. And, unfortunately, its no secret that there are people that truly did everything they could to make sure it didn't survive. But, in spite of us and others, God allowed us to be vessels of a human that was created only out of our genes. Little Man could not be Little Man without the two of us. No other two people could have created him.

Just when we thought all was lost a whisper was made by God and life was breathed into my belly. Just when it looked like love had failed, a beginning took place in a torrent of cells splitting and growing. Just when crushing truths seemed to bring darkness, light grew with fingers and toes. God's grace and glory were made apparent, not through the might of men, but through the slow flutters of a growing babe. As the kicks and limbs have grown stronger so has the realization of God's love and forgiveness. As the countdown begins and Little Man grows bigger and turns to make his entrance,  God's mercy gathers in a hurricane and grows and grows and grows. I feel my body caught up in the storm and racing towards a great, grand performance of God. He is the maestro and He is warming up for a moment where all of His preparation will be revealed. A baby boy will be presented and we will see a body that represents goodness in darkness and laughter  in tears. We will see a boy that is ours and no one else's. We will see a miracle. A miracle. A miracle

God takes our broken and weak parts to make wholeness. He takes darkness and makes it light. He takes dead and makes it life. He takes old and worn out and makes it new. He gives undeserved, miracle-gifts. He delights in His children delighting in His blessings.

He is good. He is good. He is good.

Forgiveness

The running theme in my spiritual life is forgiveness. I am sorry if that and fear seem to always come up in every post, but I write what God puts on my heart and for some reason forgiveness and fear are the two most popular themes in my spirit. And they have alliteration and God knows I am a literary dork at heart.

God gave me a good Word on Sunday as I was feeling extremely tired (carrying a human will do that to you). He also pressed upon my heart to memorize it and tuck it away in my soul as I would need it.

Genesis 50:20-21

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children. And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

I knew the context of this verse and I knew that it was said by a man to his brothers. However, God's Word is God-breathed and He can and does use every single word to get a point across. I tucked this verse away and through some trials and setbacks was able to lean on this verse when fear tried to grip me about the safety of my unborn son, God's goodness, and my future with my husband.

Now, later in the week, God is using those same words to teach me another lesson. Let's stop and think of how this is an example of the LIVING Word of God. He can use the same verse and teach me two completely different, seemingly unrelated things. This verse is about Joseph forgiving his brothers and then taking care of them. Its one thing to forgive someone, but then its a completely different story to care for them and have them be involved in your life. And, not to mention, his brothers were awful people.

Let's look at their track record:
Massacred a whole town through trickery and deceit and pure bloodlust for their Dinah's (their sister) "honor". Even though the man that stole her honor may or may not have done so because Dinah also wished it to happen and they were married immediately afterwards. We never know Dinah's side of the story. But I am not sure she wanted her in-laws viciously chopped down.

Sold their brother into slavery in hopes that he would eventually die just because they were jealous of his relationship with Jacob, their father.

So, just a simple free pass at "I won't kill you," would have been more than enough for Joseph to offer to these men who sold him into slavery and left him for dead. But Joseph goes a step further and takes care of them. Invites them to his land and in community with him.

Wait....what? But they're dangerous! They could try and harm him! He doesn't owe them anything!!! He is absolutely justified in making them suffer for their entire lives of selfishness and violence.

"Exactly my point," God whispers as I read this and see it clearly for the first time.

That's how forgiveness works. It's given when its not deserved. Its given when it doesn't make sense. Its given for us and not for them. I used to look at my life and think that there were a lot of apologies I deserved, but I am realizing now that its more so the fact that I need to give more forgiveness. I need to allow God to soften my heart and open my eyes to what His will is and not my own.

Why doesn't God EVER allow me to karate chop anyone? WHY?!?

God gives us great words of  peace for us, but He always has a lesson to draw us closer to Him and make us more holy. Thank goodness He offers us forgiveness when we don't deserve it.

My Kryptonite

A year ago, this weekend, my life was up in the air and hanging on the balance of someone else's decision. It was a terrifying place to be, but for the first time I was okay with whatever the outcome would be even if I did not have control over it. For the first time in my life I knew 100% I was doing what God wanted me to do and that was enough for me and that peace could not be ruined by someone else's decision.

Fast-forward a year, with all prayers answered (in ways that God and I may or may not have agreed upon...I try not to question The Big Man's ways...I really do) you would think that the peace I had when my life was in utter chaos would be compounded ten fold when my life was seemingly falling into place.

False. Not the case.

Being pregnant has made me feel more out of control than I ever have. There is a life inside of me that I only have minimal impact on its creation. Little Man's success and thriving and genetic perfection or imperfection has no bearing on my actions. Yes, of course I have done and will continue to do things (though only a few weeks!!) that help to make sure successes happen in the womb, but in reality its the most out of control process that anyone has on this earth. Perfectly healthy babies are born to crack addicts and alcoholics. Perfectly healthy babies are born to mothers that suffer traumatic injuries or who have cancer. Babies that do not make it are born to mothers who did everything right. Can we impact the odds? Yes. Can we ultimately dictate the results? No.

Why is this out of control different from last year? Because I have found my kryptonite. I used to be brave and I used to think the whole world was ahead of me. I used to think I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to. But this little human has thrown me for a loop. This baby boy has brought me to my knees begging for his safety and to tears hoping for his future. On my mind constantly is not the next hope, but the next worry. I make it past one obstacle to begin thinking about the next. If I can get through the first trimester when most miscarriages happen I'll be fine. If I can make it through the second trimester when he could be born pre-term and die, I'll be fine. If I can just have a healthy delivery, then I won't worry because I will have a healthy baby. And then, who knows what the worries are..........

My antithesis to my courage is a little boy whom I already love more than anything in this world. Literally. Never have I ever worried about another human beings safety and thriving. I have never even seen his face or touched his precious body, but my heart is clenched in worry. I worry that I will die from an accident/disease/zombie apocalypse and not be allowed to share in the joy of little man growing up.

I am undone.

While God does work through our undoings, I don't think He wishes for me to be gripped in worry and fear. I am slowly learning that what He does want is for me to hand over my son and my health
to Him. He wants me to trust the outcome. The powerful God I trusted and believed in last year at this time is still that very God that gave me this pregnancy out of a tumultuous year. The same God that restored and rebuilt my life in spite of the world and people hell bent on making it fall into ruin.

I am working and praying through this. I am trying. I do not have it figured out, but I am allowing God to show me my cracks and my shortcomings.

Who I Am

Today I felt led to just tell you a little bit about who I am. If you take time to read my simple blog, then you deserve to know who is writing those words and the heart that is creating those words.

I am not perfect and don't believe I am or ever will be. I have not always sought the LORD and even while proclaiming to be a Christian I acted as non-Christian as they come. I have been a bad wife, daughter, friend, and sister as a result of a lifestyle that consisted of living until the next party or weekend. I was selfish. I was rude. I was malicious. People love details of a past life, but I do not wish to glorify the world by showing you the ends and outs of my wrongs. Just know there are plenty of people that don't believe a heart like mine could change. The negative impact I had on them breaks my heart and I will forever regret those choices. Many of those people will remember a girl that did not act like a lady at all and was lumped into a category that I care not to name.

But, I am saved by Grace. In spite of the choices that nearly ruined the gift of life God gave me, He came down and rescued me from my whirlwind and chaos. He cleansed the layers and layers of dirt that caked my skin, that was under my nails, and in the crevices of my heart. He washed me white as snow.

He took a wild child and made her into a Child of God. I would have never believed that I could be or should be a mother-to-be or seeking to be a Godly wife.

God does the unthinkable. He's in the business of shocking.

I still like my tattoos, though. The number is above 3 and under 10, but that could change ;)

Repentance: Fun for No One and Necessary for All

There are some weeks when God speaks to you, daily. I find myself in one of those weeks. Though, I feel like its an inopportune time as I have plenty to do in preparation for little man's arrival in the upcoming month. However, God very rarely agrees that our timetable is best. Fortunately, He is always right 100% of the time.

Today was repentance.

"Gross, God. Let's not do this right now. Teach me something feel good and awesome. I prayed for victory over Satan and the battles of this life. Give me a pep talk," I said under my breath as I dove into my devotions this morning.

But, if we want to move from rec league to varsity, God expects us to grapple with the challenging truths of His love and not just the cushy ones. AND if we truly want to be star players on God's team and achieve victory, then we must tangle with the little hooks in our souls that drag us down. You can't sprint down the field, out-running others for a touchdown if you have never moved faster than a walk before. It takes work and stamina built up over time.

So, repentance. God hit me with a truth today that I didn't want to hear: "You are so focused on what was done to you that you forget what you did to others and to Me."

OUCH! We humans love the victim card. LOVE it. Even when we say haughty statements like: "I'm a fighter; not a victim," we don't truly mean it. Deep down we love to put the blame on others. It hurts taking responsibility for your actions. We also love to have excuses to do pretty much what we want and not what God wants: "I can say this because he/she did this to me."

So when I was asked in Margaret Feinberg's Bible study Fight Back with Joy, to list the things that bring God anger I was unsettled by what I found. I was expecting to say: "Oh yeah! Bleep did that to me and so God's going to be mad at her." or "Oh! That's a bad one...glad I've never done that."

What I got was a check next to almost everyone. What?! But I am seeking God, praying for those I don't like, serving, and really trying! How can my heart be so out of sync with what makes God happy? I could barely focus on the rest of the study as I was so burdened by the verses at the beginning. Its funny how God uses something unrelated to your issues at hand to seek Him more.

Proverbs 6:16-19
There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:
Haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies
and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers (community in some translations)

Ezekiel 35:14-15
This is what the Sovereign LORD says: While the whole earth rejoices, I will make you desolate. Because you rejoiced when the inheritance of the house of Israel became desolate, that is how I will treat you. You will be desolate, O Mount Seir, you and all of Edom. Then they will know that I am LORD.

In all honesty, I have displayed ALL of those things that God despises in the past few months (Well...I haven't killed anyone....but have thought about it as we've discussed in previous posts). I've even wished desolation on certain people. Yes, desolation. I wanted them to feel ruin and have intense sorrow and grief for what they've done. Yes, I was praying for them, but did I truly want them to have joy and peace? Not really.  Plus, God is the only one that can issue or desire desolation for someone. And it always has a purpose: The purpose of knowing He is LORD. Even when God issues desolation for someone it is so they can know who He is and have a relationship with Him.

A lying tongue? I love a good, funny story and sometimes you have to add exaggeration here and there. That's LYING. A heart that devises wicked schemes? Even if the schemes are never to come true we all have fantasies where we are the hero and the wicked villain gets their ruin. We are not the hero. God is. Feet that are quick to rush into evil? Looking at posts and pictures that I know will stir up hatred and bitterness  is most certainly moving toward evil and not running towards God. Stirring up dissension? I don't do that! Yeah, I do. Gossip. Spreading "news" about someone IS gossip.

Many of those go even deeper and darker for me. And if we were honest, we all have a propensity to fall into those sins quite quickly no matter where we are on our walk with God.

The saddest part is that we grieve God with these things. We HURT Him. The Great I AM. The one who rescues us and forgives over and over again. I hurt Him with each of my sins. You hurt Him with each of yours. Talk about slapping a gift horse in the mouth (does anyone really know what that really means?). It makes me want to cry out to Him: "Show me how to fix this!!! Please!! I am sorry!!"

The beauty of God is that He does. Our cry of apology is a sweet song to His ear. Our need for Him and realization that we have wronged Him and need restoration brings a smile to His face and He is at our side in an instant with a plan.

He's waiting. Take a leap of faith and search your own  heart and then cry out to Him.

Worry.....There's a Reason God Commands Us NOT to Do It

Today, as I was completing my bible study, the author spoke about her battle with cancer. Every part of me seized up and I wanted to throw the book down. The "C" word. I worry about it all the time and every new bump, cough, pain I automatically go to the C place. However, I surmised that throwing away the entire study based on her testimony of cancer was a bit outlandish and I decided to forge through.

As I read on in spite of my skin crawling from hearing her struggles, I was asked to turn to a book in the Bible and out fell a notecard with numbers and dates written on it. It was a tally of costs to a weekend that I'd rather forget and why it was in my Bible I will never know. This reminder of the weekend could have set me off for the rest of the day. I could have been bound by bitterness and anger and missed out. But, God loves to prepare us for moments like this and throughout this week I have been hearing messages on focusing on God and not on the clatter and clamber of the world. So, through tears, I asked God to take the hurt that came with the card, prayed for the people that caused that weekend to be awful (through gritted teeth and tears) and placed the card out of sight and out of mind.

What does this have to do with worry? Well, my obsession with being fearful of getting sick takes my attention away from things that truly need fighting. My battle right now (and hopefully never) is not with cancer, its with bitterness and anger. Satan's great tool is distraction. He loves to get me in a grip of fear that involves things that I do not even struggle with so that I miss out on what I truly need to give to God and deal with. I hate to say it, but Satan is pretty good at what he does.

But God is better at what He does.

Worry takes us away from the present. It takes us away from the battles we ARE fighting because we are thinking of the ones we MAY NEVER fight. This gives Satan a chance to sneak in a sucker punch. Reading about cancer sent my mind into a tizzy and then when I was actually reading something I struggled with on that notecard, my spirit was already somewhat defeated.

But, God gloriously and beautifully steps in during those moments if we let Him.

Life would be more enjoyable if I stuck to the battles at hand. I have heard Matthew 6:34 so many times I could probably quote it....or at least paraphrase it: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own," but now it makes sense. Jesus is trying to tell us that you can't fight the battle today if you are worried about the one tomorrow. Sometimes my mind is blown by how much Jesus knows what he is talking about and how his truths are so rational and matter-of-fact.

So, cancer/death/plagues/terrorist attacks/other unknown tragedies may or may not be in my future, but they are currently not in my present. Therefore, I am COMMANDED by God to not focus on them. God has a purpose and a focus for me and for reasons that I can't see. He wants me to work through struggles and hardships that afflict me now so that I can be strong for whatever is to come. If I skip the present, then I may be setting myself up for self-fulfilling fear prophecies in the future. I could be missing out on what God is trying to strengthen inside of me that will help me fight my biggest fears later on.

Worry is useless. Now to pray this Truth sinks deep in my spirit.

Fear

Fear. If we were all honest with ourselves we feel it. Some of us allow it to have more control over us than others. I would be speaking about myself on this one. I have fear of the future, fear of the past, fear of the present, fear people, fear of sickness, fear of death, fear of being not good enough....the list goes on and on. Google is my worst enemy since the most common of symptoms result in death when one searches for it. In the past 8 1/2 mos. I have lived with the impending joy of motherhood. I mean "impending" in that I've lived most of my pregnancy in fear of what could or couldn't happen. Doctor's should tell you that wine, smoking, tuna, AND Google are not allowed during the gestation period of your child. My poor son has had more imaginary ailments (as have I) in the last trimesters than he will probably ever have his entire life.

This world is big. This world is tough. And many times it throws us dark things to deal with. Some people are given hope each time they make it through something or hear of others surviving life's guerilla attacks. Some people, like me, live in more and more fear the more darkness they encounter. The more I hear of bad things happening, the more I assume I am next. The more I experience hardship, the more I assume that's just how it is and it will only get worse.

However, God is teaching me that I am sorely missing out on life thinking this way.

Sin and choices of myself and others created a tumultuous year to say the least. Some were things that were unavoidable and random, but many were a result of my own lack of diligence. The joy and exhilarating adrenaline pump of a surprise pregnancy was quickly dashed by a selfish person. If you had asked me months ago I would have told you my life was horrible and I had nothing but burdens. I was so clouded by fear and bitterness that I couldn't even appreciate the miracle growing in my womb. That is something I will regret until the day I die: Not appreciating my son everyday of his life...even the sacred beginning.

I allowed The World to win. I allowed Darkness to achieve its goal of rendering me useless because I was obsessed with fear. But God specifically says this is not what He gives us. He gives us POWER and LOVE (2 Timothy 1:7). He is FOR us and NOT against us (Romans 8:28). He desires to see His children living in LIGHT in spite of the darkness. He does not say the darkness will not be there, but He commands us to FIGHT with the brightness He GIVES.

But its scary, God. That's what I've said for years if I am honest. Its much better to run under the radar and just live silently in fear. I feel as if I am almost hidden from the worst of attacks if I stay out of sight and out of mind. However, I am allowing the past year to teach me, that no matter how you hide...bad times will find you and the ones you love. We just simply choose whether or not to react with a spirit of timidity or of one that combats the darkness and says: "No, I will not be defeated because my God was not."

I am allowing God to help my focus be on His love and not the World's darkness. I am learning to allow myself to smile when I think of the weeks to come. I am allowing myself to hope for a future with my son and husband and not live in fear that someone or something will take one or both of them away.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made, but not created to walk in fear. I am trying to put fear away because the only fear I should have is for a God who LOVES me fiercely.

And, so, I climb back into the ring, take a deep breath, and confidently tap gloves with Darkness because my God is holding my stool, water, and heart behind me.

Obedience

Obedience is a word that has more negative than positive connotations. A person doesn't wake up and think: I just really want to be obedient and follow some orders today. Obedience makes us think of rules we felt were arbitrary as children or of classes we take our canine counterparts to learn how to come, sit, and stay. Obedience is just not part of the world's vernacular.

And, until recently, it hasn't been part of mine, either.

I've been on a journey the past year. And by journey I mean it in a sense of Odysseus trying to find his way back to Ithaca for 20 years after the Trojan War. The kind of journey where you think rest is in sight, but only to find out some idiot opens a bag of wind and blows you further away from home than when you started. Sometimes that idiot is you and sometimes its someone else. Either way it stinks.

Am I home, yet? No, because I am realizing that we are never truly home until we go to heaven....or elsewhere.

So, how do we survive this Epic that we call our lives? Well, one of the ways is being obedient. God has certain rules in place that we all know (Thou Shall Not Kill, Covet, Steal, etc) and sometimes He adds them as life goes. God tries to tell us not to open the bag of wind with rules that protect us from touching the drawstring at all. When we listen to Him, yes, we are still on a ship in the middle of an ocean, but we are headed in the right direction instead of blown off-course.

For the most part God asks for obedience in small ways. Obviously we know we shouldn't murder. For the most part we get it: don't stab someone even though it would feel good in that moment. We can see the protection in that rule: You don't go to jail and someone doesn't lose their life. Sometimes, I think we miss the biggest blessings of obedience in the day to day. God asks us for obedience in our mundane tasks more than He ever will in the big things. Its not as difficult to not steal the bag of fruit at the grocery store as it is to not judge people at Wal-Mart after 10 pm.

Recently God asked me to pray for someone that I not only severely disliked, but that I may or may not have had to consider how set on the "Thou Shall Not Kill" rule God really was. Apparently God  is pretty dead set on this. Even a small karate chop to the throat was out of the question....I asked. God asking me to do this seemed like the end of the world as saying this person's name made me cringe. But, with the helpful prayers of others, I prayed for said person. The prayer was the bare minimum: "I pray for Blank Blank." Yeah, it was that simple. I was like the five year old asked to apologize to his/her sibling when I didn't really mean it.

But, God honors our most ornery obedience.

Daily I prayed and daily the prayer became deeper and more heartfelt. Words I didn't know I had bubbled to the surface and soon enough I was praying for this person's true happiness and protection. More importantly my heart changed. I wasn't as bitter and unsettled. I had no idea how many negative feelings were harbored in my soul because of my dislike for one person.

God's obedience wasn't for this person's well-being it was for my own.

Did you catch that? God wanted me to pray for someone else so He could begin healing MY heart. This was not some silly rule He required just to feel powerful. This was an order that was given in order to save my heart that was slowly hardening. God was rescuing me from danger that I couldn't even see.

He took my childish obedience that only offered Him a whiney: "I pray for...." and turned it into a heart change. To be honest I wish I could say that I just smile when I think of this person and automatically pray for them with over-flowing joy. This is not the case. I am still human and its still a choice of obedience to pray, but the Holy Spirit works where I can't. However, I do notice when bitterness and hatred wells up inside of me for this person. I notice it and I can give it over to God instead of dwelling on it.

What small thing is God asking of you?