One-upper

One-uppers.

Some of us are them. Some of us know them. We have all done it at least once in our lives. I've been asking God to help me sort out things about myself that are not conducive to having people enjoy being around you. This popped up as I was having a conversation. I thought to myself: "NO! I'm a one upper!!!!" You see, no one wants to be a one-upper. We love to call them out and expose them for  what they are.....but we never want to be one.

Needless to say I was wrought with confusion of how I could have allowed this to happen. Immediately self-conscious in every conversation I had, I decided to pick apart the anatomy of a one-upper. Why I one-up comes down to two reasons: I think you're a know-it-all and so I must show you that you don't....in turn becoming a know-it-all (generally this is a trait that comes hand in hand with a one-upper OR I am genuinely trying to make conversation and not trying to one-up at all only trying to find common ground "oh you kayak? I kayak!" but because of my one-upping tendencies it comes across as, you-guessed it, one upping.

There's also a third reason that most one-uppers share. We all want to be accepted and liked. Sometimes it's just a plain old, schoolyard, I-need-to-be-liked-let-me-share-my-story.

So, now that my "why" has been addressed, how do I fix it? How do I become a better version of myself? God gave me this for a reason.
1) Listen. A one-upper is generally thinking about what they can say next. We are guilty. I need to HEAR what the person is saying, truly digest it, and then reply. My response needs to be based off of what I hear them say and not what I want them to hear me say. Listening isn't about being heard or liked.
2) Be encouraging. If I know I one-up because I want to be liked, then instead of trying to put down a fellow one-upper by outdoing them, I should love on them and encourage them. It's what they need, because I know it's what I need.

Bottom-line: if you feel I'm one-upping, it's either because I truly want to have a conversation with you and like you OR maybe you're a one-upper yourself and you also need to do some soul-searching. Either way, let me know. I'm trying to work on this.