On my first Mother's Day I have a new appreciation for my own mother. I know why those teenage fights were so heated. I can only imagine that when the same babe you sacrificed so much for rebels it creates hurt and anger that can only come from intense love. I also know that the power struggles were never her not wanting me to leave the nest, but her wanting me not to fly into the wrong direction.

As I look at my baby I realize my mama held me with the same love. I finally understand that when she says I'm her baby girl how much passion and heart are behind those words. I understand how hard it is to love a child because of that passion. I understand how hard it is to walk in this ugly world and know you have to prepare your child for what it has to offer.

Mama taught me to take care of myself. She prepared me for this world in all the best ways she knew how. When I thought other kids were spoiled and I wasn't, I see I was the one truly being showered with love. Whether it was having to choose an extracurricular activity or a job with no option to loaf around, requiring me to cook dinner every once in awhile, or having actual chores that extended beyond making a bed, she prepared me to be on my own. She knew that life was hard and she knew shielding me from it would only result in it eating me alive.

She taught me I was entitled to nothing. That the only life I deserved was one God gifted me and I worked for. She gave me a distaste for spoiled children and I have no desire to ruin Grayson as a result.

She taught me to not whine and complain when I didn't get something I thought I deserved. Life isn't fair. All you can do is deal with it gracefully and move on.

The most important thing she taught me is your children come first. I watched her weather storms of her own heart alone and in the quiet of post-bedtime routines. I heard the muffled sobs at night, but only saw the smiles at breakfast. She healed while guarding her kids from her own hurt.

I love her most for that.

She taught me to be brash and fierce but also to be humble and to make decisions that are best for the family and not just for yourself. She taught me to be a mama bear who stands for her kids and dares anyone to harm them while teaching them to defend themselves. She taught me to fight my own battles while knowing she was a step away from joining the fight.

Happy Mother's Day, Mama. I know now what a wonderful, impossibly hard job it is. Thank you. I'm glad God gave me to you and no one else.